Happy Friday! I hope you are having a great week!
Thank you to everyone for the amazing comments on my Girls Without Friends post on Monday. I am happy and sad to see it spoke to so many people. I had tweets and emails about it too and have been thinking about what everyone has said all week.
I have to wonder if the laziness of the people around us can be blamed a little bit on ourselves. If we dont hold people to a standard and let them know what that standard is, how will they ever know we are bothered?
I am issuing a personal challenge to all of you...if someone in your life isnt being the kind of friend you need, let them know what you need or want from them and give them the chance to live up to that. Many people come from big families and have no idea that not every relationship happens automatically. If you have been wishing a friend would step it up and be a better friend, tell them. This weekend. Lead with 'I need to feel valued in this relationship' and go from there.
If you have been invited out a number of times, now is the time to reciprocate - I am challenging you to call a friend you havnt seen in a while and invite her out! If she has had you over a few times for parties or dinner it's time for you to offer to take her our for dinner or invite her to your house!
Afraid? Ask yourself this...what's the worst that could happen?
Please report back!
Have a fabulous day!
Friday, April 8, 2011
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11 comments:
There is something I have had to learn recently that was a tough pill to swallow. Not everyone gives friendship the same amount of space in their lives as I do. Just because I know that I wouldn't treat people the way that I am often treated, doesn't mean that I can expect them to be more of a friend than what they are capable of. I agree with you so completely on being tired of being the glue. I have stopped putting forth the effort with some friends recently, and noticed that when I don't initiate the conversation or keep in touch, nothing is there. It was too taxing to be in a friendship alone, and it was just easier to stop.
You are a really good person. I can tell just by your appeal and how you took the time to write this from the other persons point of view..and you are so right in aassuming that though we think we know how someone else is thinking, sometimes its just the total opposite....and sometimes the person we think is the busiest or most confident is actually the lonliest or saddest and just needs a friend. I pride myself on being a REALLY good friend but then again i am really inspired as i have amazing friends so feel doubly blessed..but I am going to take your challenge and reach out to someone who maybe needs reaching out to!! Great post!! Hava a super weekend....
I've literally given up on certain people. They aren't even worth the effort of a conversation.
xoxo
SC
I feel pretty content with my current friendships....I just wish I could see my friends more often. There are geographic issues and then there are jobs and kids and spouses.
One thing I will do is call my best friend from college and get something on the calendar....I've been meaning to do it and keep putting it off. Thanks for the push!
I feel each of my friends has different qualities. Not all of them are good at doing everything, but each one of them is special to me for a different reason.
A neighbor and I recently started a Bunco group. We had tremendous response when we contacted others to see if they wanted to play. Many women don't have an outlet for themselves. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the lives of our children and husbands and forget ourselves. Many of us have neglected ourselves for many years and it will take time and practice to get back into a routine.
Thank you so for taking the time to sum up in words what some of our true feelings on the give and take of friendship are,as well as put insight into both sides of the issue. Sometimes, those of us who did not grow up in an outgoing family life, do tend to just count on others invites, energy & hospitality without realizing that they too need to might need & enjoy us and our hospitality. Definitely made me open my eyes & will make me a much better & insightful friend. You are the best!!! Enjoy Lilacnpearls
Thanks for the reminder that I have not called a friend back this week. I am that terrible friend. Oh I have GOT to fix that! In my defense, I did grow up in a big family and we all talk all the time. I think that's the problem. As usual, SP, you rock for these posts!
Since I commented on your last post, this is my follow too. I actually made the dinner happen last week with a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in years although we had been in contact. We had a wonderful time connecting and both of us knew we couldn't let it go as long next time, so thank you for putting that bug in my ear.
I have also learned that one must accept a friend for what they are willing to give, either emotionally or physically. You never know what is going on with someone in their personal life and they may be struggling with issues they wish to keep private. Years ago I had a conversation with a very good friend on expectations of friendship over a personal issue. It ruined our friendship. I should have just accepted what she could give and not expected anything more. Yes, it would have put our friendship into a different category, if you will, but I probably would still have a friendship that I could have been enjoying over these last few years. I learned my lesson. :)
I just spent the weekend with 12 other women/friends at a spa resort ... excellent!
I am happy you wrote this, it has made me reflect even more on the realtionships I have with other women or really the lack of relationships I have. I have lived in my community for about 11 years. I had one close friend, here, but she and her husband pushed us away. I and my husband always felt like they felt they could do better and have better friends. (My husband travels for a living, so friendships are very special for me) Anyway, I was the one who asked if there was something that we did and of course the answer was no,but when the invites stop coming and our invites are turned down...that says a lot. I have 2 special friends from college. We speak often and communicate via the net, but it is not the same. I have no one to have coffee with, no one to walk the mall with, no one to...well you get the picture. I am that person you speak of when you say that they are sad and lonely at home...
My husband has asked me if I want to move to be closer to my friends from college, but I say no. They have established their own lives where they live. I would feel like an outsider. So here I am to chug along and try and cope. Sign my kids up for many activities to get out of the house, volunteer endlessly at my sons school, take trips and spend much time with my husband when he's home and with my kids. There is no "me" or "my"...
This is such a great challenge! And your previous friendship post really hit me. I'm someone who has moved several times for school or summer work, and it's sometimes difficult for me to make new friends in new places. It really motivated me to get back in touch with some of the friends I've made throughout my journeys. Thanks for the motivation!
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