Wednesday, November 10, 2010

21 Ways to make people like you

I thought this would be a great refresher for all of us as we head into the holiday season with all of it's parties and events!  I can't remember where I saw this article and can't find the link in my favourites so I apologize now for what seems like plagerism.  If you recognize it please let me know so I can give credit for it.

1. Be Attentive to Others and Never Stop Listening

Self-centered people are usually unlikable. When you’re involved in a conversation, it’s important to focus more on the other person and less on yourself. If you genuinely concern yourself with others and listen to them closely, you’ll make scores of friends with little effort. Remember, everybody loves a good listener. (SP - At least learn to fake it well!)

2. Compliment People Who Deserve It

Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and compliment the people who have gone out of their way to shine. Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated. (SP - Compliments are free!)

3. Make Yourself Available and Approachable

If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you. Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them. Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you. (SP - Answer emails and voice mails within 24 hours to keep the people around you feeling good.  Nothing feels worse than being ignored)

4. Speak Clearly so People Can Understand You

Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand. Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and likeability. (SP - Or how about people who answer a question with just a little bit of info which puts you in the position to have to ask them more questions.  I find this quite arrogant.  When asked a question please give a complete and proper answer or just say you dont want to discuss it)

5. Never Try to Be Someone You’re Not

All people have the subconscious ability to detect a liar. Even academy award winning actors slip up every now and then. Fake people are not likeable. Ask yourself this: If you don’t like who you really are, why the heck should I like you?  (SP - It's ok to adopt a way of life, way of thinking, new attitude and many other positive personality traits but dont try to make your neighbours think you are rich with your fake Gucci)

6. Address People by Their Name

People love the sight and sound of their own name, so make sure you learn to remember names. Use them respectfully in both oral and written communication.  (SP - repeat the person's name when you are introduced to help cement it in your mind)
7. Mirror the Person You’re Conversing With

You can mirror someone by imitating their body language, gestures, movements and facial expressions during a one on one conversation. The other person will unconsciously pickup on the familiarity of your mirrored actions, which will provide them with an added sense of comfort as they speak with you. The more comfortable you make them feel, the more they will enjoy being around you. (SP - I learned this one when I was single and dating...want to make that boy like you?  Take a sip of your drink when he sips his!)

8. Always Ask to Help … and Help When Asked

Everyone appreciates the gift of free assistance and those who supply it. Highly likeable people always spare time for others, regardless of how busy their own schedules are. Remember, helping people get what they want is the #1 key to getting what you want.  (SP - Dont be one of those people who wont accept help.  A good friend lets their friends be good friends)

9. Never Get Caught Lying

Everybody stretches the truth at times, but everyone hates a liar. Ironic, isn’t it? Regardless, understand that your credibility and likeability will get crushed if you are caught telling a lie.  (SP - You can't really call someone out on their lies if they can turn around and call you out on yours)

10. Say “Please” and “Thank You”

These 2 simple phrases make demands sound like requests and inject a friendly tone into serious conversations. It can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful. (SP - Nothing irks me more than a lack of ThankYou's in my life.  I actually stopped sending a family member presents because we never knew if she received them or liked them!)

11. Use Positive Language (Body and Verbal)

You can use positive language skills to exhibit yourself as a helpful, constructive person rather than a destructive, disinterested one. Positive body language involves the act of maintaining eye contact while speaking, using hand gestures to accentuate important points, leaning in closer while someone else is speaking, smiling, and mirroring the person you’re involved in a conversation with. Positive verbal language concentrates on what can be done, suggests helpful choices and alternatives, and sounds accommodating and encouraging rather than one-dimensionally bureaucratic.  (SP - Try to only talk with your hands after you have put your drink down.  Salt soaks red wine out of carpets if you happen to forget to put your drink down)

12. Smile

Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile. Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles. Suddenly she doesn’t seem like a stranger anymore, does she? Instead she seems warm and friendly, someone you wouldn’t mind being around for a little while longer.  (SP - We all look more attractive and approachable when we smile)

13. Keep Unqualified Opinions to Yourself

If you don’t have all the facts, or you’re uneducated on the topic of discussion, it’s in your best interest to spend your time listening. Unqualified opinions just make a person sound foolishly arrogant. (SP - Like the time my mother someone announced that getting married at city hall isn't a legal wedding as it's not done by a minister in a church)

14. Provide Tangible Value

Don’t just follow in the footsteps of everyone else. Figure out which pieces of the puzzle are missing and put them in place. When you add tangible value, you increase your own value in the eyes of others. (SP - Call the hostess on your way to the party to ask if she needs anything picked up like ice or dip)

15. Respect Elders, Respect Minors, Respect Everyone

There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. People will notice your kindness. (SP - And for heaven's sake...please dont swear or yell at your children in Wallies)

16. Make Frequent Eye Contact … but Don’t Stare

There’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication. When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction, which leads to likeability. The key is to make frequent eye contact without gawking. If you fail to make eye contact you will be seen as insincere and untrustworthy. Likewise, an overbearing stare can make you appear arrogant and egotistical. (SP - You know that person who stares while you speak then keeps staring when you have finished but doesnt say anything leaving you squirming and talking more which leads to babbling?  Let's not be that person)

17. Don’t Over-Promise … Instead, Over-Deliver

Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill. They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity. Sure, they do deliver something. But it’s not inline with the original expectations, so all it does is drive negative press. If you want people to like you, forget about making promises and simply over-deliver on everything you do. (SP - If you do promise something and can't follow through, please let the person you promised know as soon as possible so they can make other arrangements)

18. Stand Up for Your Beliefs Without Promoting Them

Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat. Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims. Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information. (SP - This is a great one!  It's ok to discuss things like religion and politics but you will alienate the people around you if you insist your beliefs are the only right beliefs.  If you want others to respect your choices you must respect theirs)

19. Make a Firm Handshake

There is a considerable correlation between the characteristics of a firm handshake (strength, duration, eye contact, etc.) and a positive first impression. (SP - A limp handshake tells me more about you than anything you could possibly say to me.  Don't be afraid to practice shaking hands before meeting people)

20. Keep Your Hands Away from Your Face

Putting your hands on your face during a conversation tells the other person that you’re either bored, negatively judging them, or trying to hide something. (SP - Police interrogators know someone is lying
when they touch their nose)

21. Dress Clean

“Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.” Henry Ward said that, and he knew exactly what he was talking about. People will always judge a book by its cover. While a stylish dress code is not absolutely necessary, it can drastically alter another person’s perception of you. (SP - Wash, iron and take care of your clothes.  This tells people you take care of the small details and can deliver on the big details too)

Have a fabulous day!


High Heeled Life said...

GREAT POST!!! these are wonderful reminders of how some small things really do matter!!! xo HHL

Ruth said...

Great post!! A wonderful reminder

knitwit said...

Great post! I had to laugh at the logic of a city hall wedding not be legal! I remember when I was in hospital having my youngest, the mother of the unmarried new mom in the bed next to me went into a long explanation about how if she gave the baby his father's last name, if she ever tried to marry anyone else, she wouldn't be allowed to change her own name. Even after 8 hours of labour, I was with it enough to recognize how ridiculous she sounded!

~KS said...

Awesome post... and perfect timing!!! With parties and events around the corner... I might reread this a few times :)

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

A handbook on modern manners...great reminders for all of us at this busy time of year.

Over deliver made me laugh!

Beth Dunn said...

I try to do those things (but I may touch my face--oops). Great list

Kris said...

Excellent tips. The old school ways are so important!

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

I need to post this list on the streets of LA because people here have no manners!!

Leah said...

An epitome of a real lady... these tips say it all. xoxo

Ms. Bake-it said...

Great post and excellent advice. I hate those weak and limp handshakes! Your comment under #11 made me laugh!

~ Tracy

Cool Gal said...

Perfect reminder. Great list. All very important!

Snooty Primadona said...

This is an absolutely wonderful post! I know so many people who could use a refresher course in many of these suggestions.

My fave: 12. Smile (Besides it releases endorphins, natural pain killers & seratonin.)

Miss Janice said...

Great tips SP! We ALL need remember these!

pinkim said...

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Pinkim from Truly Simpy Pink

CanadianPrep said...

These are great! Thanks for sharing!