tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post3078267491851281338..comments2023-10-11T08:39:27.729-04:00Comments on The Life of a Suburban Princess: Girls without friendsSuburban Princesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08229769705478339351noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-79130449135339513122012-05-22T14:49:09.199-04:002012-05-22T14:49:09.199-04:00Great post that I am coming late too, as I'm w...Great post that I am coming late too, as I'm without child or dog I know hardly anyone around here, I just don't meet people and am very isolated. I bumped into an old acquaintance tonight and took his phone number, I will make a point of making a coffee date with him as he is also without children or a dog and that's how folk round these parts meet!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-29591760468451431832011-04-13T10:23:51.048-04:002011-04-13T10:23:51.048-04:00i'm so glad i saved this post to read when i h...i'm so glad i saved this post to read when i had a minute to sit and digest. <br />i think this is so true, especially what your husband said about women not being able to distinguish between dating life and friends life. i find it hard for me to recognize boundaries and to balance the two. <br />i am often the person, though, do do the inviting, the planning, the arranging. when friends say "i never see you anymore," it's oftentimes because they haven't taken a minute to ask what i'm doing or what my plans are or if i'd like to grab drinks/dinner/coffee. <br /><br />thank you for posting -- there's a lot of great food for thought here!how i met your father bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08801991769160050444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-59838049708950001002011-04-09T00:21:41.250-04:002011-04-09T00:21:41.250-04:00I'm chiming in a bit late, but loved this post...I'm chiming in a bit late, but loved this post and also all of the comments. I tend to be the "glue" as well and do most of the planning, asking, and driving! I got divorced last summer and that is another true test of who rises to the top and shows true friendship. I was stunned that some of my long-time "friends" (15+years) did not even bother to check in, while some women I've known less than a year have been so supportive and caring. You are so observant in your blog post and hit the nail on the head in several examples. And, I would also like to point out that, as a female who has worked in the corporate world over 25 years, these same examples illustrate why women are still struggling in so many areas on the working world-- we are our own worst enemies.Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17786838392389718536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-20300823183119887452011-04-08T21:47:22.347-04:002011-04-08T21:47:22.347-04:00Well....first I'll say great post. I agree wi...Well....first I'll say great post. I agree with everyone else that it was thought provoking. Where I will differ is that I am NOT the planner. I don't know why...haven't soul-se arched enough to figure out why I hesitate to make that first step and extend the invite. But, maybe the answer is right there in my choice of words...I hesitate. I always have my whole life. My fir St job as a teenager was in a clothing store as (of all things) a greeter....wrong position for me. My first day the store manager told me I was to stand at the front of the store and say hi to people as they entered. My response..."for no reason!"<br /><br />I am now 39 years old and I have one friend who am am the close to being able to sharing everything with after a relationship of roughly.....oh.... 8 years off and on. She's the planner...for sure. She is the one at lunch who returns unacceptable food...I eat the unacceptable food or le ave hungry...she lodges complaints and demands service...I take what they give.....I suggest that perhaps (surprising to me) that there are a lot more of the painfully shy (me) than there are of the outgoing types (you gals). Which is not to say I don't enjoy going out and doing things...I'm just very reserved...I don't engage in conversation as much as others...I'm the awkward one that smiles quietly at funny things. Your friends or ex-friends rather are likely to fall into the painfully shy category.<br /><br />Painfully shy is a world where you you break out in sweat and experience a good deal of anxiety at the thought of gathering in a room full of people in social situation. One-on-one...mostly I'm fine...takes me a while to warm up but then after I've warmed up you can't shut me up.<br /><br />My friend that does all the planning is due for a visit in a couple of weeks...she invited herself which didn't give me a pause until I read your post today when I realized that...yes, you're right...if she had not asked....it never would have occurred to me to offer. If it had I would have immediately dismissed the thought with the notion she wouldn't want to stay with me. If you've done one thing with this post you've made appreciate my planner-friend and I'll make sure to show some appreciTion...plan something in the future...ummmmm...maybe.Jenn @ My Kind of Strangehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02405239868332322894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-88373055695568745652011-04-06T17:37:24.629-04:002011-04-06T17:37:24.629-04:00m.e. I have stopped going to shopping parties if t...m.e. I have stopped going to shopping parties if the hostess has never spoken to me for anything else. It's so tacky! It's like saying, we dont really want you but would you mind sending your credit card?Suburban Princesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08229769705478339351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-28491861965684094752011-04-06T15:54:13.612-04:002011-04-06T15:54:13.612-04:00OHHH my gosh! I am really struggling with this ex...OHHH my gosh! I am really struggling with this exact thing. I was the ringleader of a book club. Organized, invited, etc. For over 2 years only one person ever reciprocated! (ok I refuse to count invites to home parties for the purpose of buying something when the hostess has never ever had me over for even a cup o coffee) I felt like it was high school where they were nice to my face but never really included. I think you should be paid for the public service this post has done. You diagnosed and treated a rampat social disease!!! xoxo thanks!!m.e.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00826570597890434712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-2691530729730483542011-04-05T21:38:18.489-04:002011-04-05T21:38:18.489-04:00Wow, so much in this post~I don't know what to...Wow, so much in this post~I don't know what to address first! Well, I'm the PLANNER...the DO "er"....the "cruise director" if you will. For many, many years, I felt if I didn't initiate the GET together it wouldn't happen. Over the years {much older than you]....I began to realize that I have wasted a LOT of energy on [for lack of a better word] "unnecessary" friendships. <br /><br />I'll clarify, with having 4 children it is impossible not to KNOW many many people through school and sports. At any given time in the last 20 years, my circle of friends have changed. <br /><br />I think the answer you may need to hear is that "YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE" and no analysis is needed. The "friends" I thought I would have for LIFE have hurt and surprised me. There is no rhyme or reason to who I feel closest to. My neighbor who lets the dog out for me in a pinch to the college friend who got my son an interview at J.P. Morgan to the couple we met on our honeymoon and have seen only a handful of times....I feel close to them all!<br /><br />So lastly, my dear BLOG friend....there is a connection....I will be a BLOG friend for as long as you BLOG!!Travelbugmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10343521862726016370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-57029756391143700262011-04-05T18:21:32.248-04:002011-04-05T18:21:32.248-04:00Friendships can be hard. I've had some friends...Friendships can be hard. I've had some friends where I feel like I have to make all the plans and it can get frustrating. Eventually I get irritated and stop making plans.AiringMyLaundryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11051140760624657630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-24920537874398103742011-04-05T09:59:42.189-04:002011-04-05T09:59:42.189-04:00Wow, just wow. That post has been one of the most...Wow, just wow. That post has been one of the most thought provoking things I have read this year.<br /><br />I am so guilty of feeling 'lonely' and not having female friends (its hard when you move a lot like I do), and as much as I try to make the effort - it's not easy to tell a new friend. Hey, make the effort back will ya?<br /><br />This post deservingly needs to be published in a womens magazine for ALL to see - not just the lucky readers who have found your blog.<br /><br />I am copy/pasting and sending this to the women in my life.<br /><br />xxxMrs Stepfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02381306773330110156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-37145571064261495832011-04-04T19:09:10.565-04:002011-04-04T19:09:10.565-04:00Friendships are so important. Gord and I do a lot...Friendships are so important. Gord and I do a lot of stuff together but I make a point of getting together with friends without him too. Like tomorrow I'm going to see a movie with two friends. And I had supper last week with three friends.Teena in Torontohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875608173791872449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-19213974099074947812011-04-04T18:31:17.836-04:002011-04-04T18:31:17.836-04:00Great post, and good for you to continue to be who...Great post, and good for you to continue to be who you are and just be the friend that you know you are. Even after being hurt. Been there done that. <br /><br />I have struggled since moving back to Minnie with female friendships and I do love to plan, but I also love to be invited, although it is usually me doing the planning and inviting. <br /><br />I wish that women understood the impact that they have on one another. Thanks for writing this.jillskicthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12100659032559367036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-91264177361586771052011-04-04T17:59:14.435-04:002011-04-04T17:59:14.435-04:00we have discussed this before and I am so glad you...we have discussed this before and I am so glad you blogged about this. I just this week did the invited again...women are vicious. I am 45 and you are preaching to the choir sister. I have decided I am moving to the deep woods where no one can find me. Including family! You and I can attend out own parties. haha but I love people. So I will keep on and just smile...<br />your twitter friend (tucker2j)Janicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08955492814000667614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-63373197927927889142011-04-04T15:54:28.577-04:002011-04-04T15:54:28.577-04:00This was a good post, SP. I'm guilty of both ...This was a good post, SP. I'm guilty of both if that is possible, and I think it is. <br /><br />I had a friend just drop off the face of the earth, and I was offended by it because I really liked her, but I guess I wasn't important to her. We ceased all contact after her daughter got in pre-school. I thought it was so weird. She had a second child and I did not. My good friend said that perhaps she just got busy with life, but I think it goes in line with what Pink Martini said about "child involvement". Different schedules of pre-schools, etc. I tried to keep in touch, but she just wouldn't respond to things so I decided it was not worth it. She didn't like Facebook so she took herself of that. FB has its faults, but it does help some people stayed glued together or else, i think many more people would drift apart. I have found that if I didn't make the effort than I wouldn't hear a thing...<br /><br />And on the thing about the funeral. I feel really badly that I didn't attend a friend's father funeral. She didn't attend my father's either. My dad died first. But it was out of town, and my son was sick, and one of our cars was in the shop. The timing was just bad. I think it bothered her, but it was just difficult. <br /><br />Sometimes, I find it is easier to just have a few close friends to do things with, and the rest are "colleagues" or as I call them "work friends". We get together so our kids will be entertained, but don't do much socially outside of the hours....9 to 5 pm weekdays.Leigh Powell Hineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13271217245421014771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-26236665435529657732011-04-04T14:14:51.530-04:002011-04-04T14:14:51.530-04:00This post was great!! I just returned from Vegas w...This post was great!! I just returned from Vegas where I was Matron of honor in one of my childhood friends wedding. Another friend of ours was there as well, the two of them lived together when they were younger in another state. Some people at the wedding were surprised the other fiend was not the matron of honor and I was. This is why... they grew apart. The other friend herself said, they grew apart. They didn't take the time to keep in touch. This was perfect to read today. I agree 100 percent with every single word! <br />Have a pretty day! <br />KristinBring Pretty Backhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11809961135225963623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-72201019599683962782011-04-04T13:40:23.945-04:002011-04-04T13:40:23.945-04:00What a great post! No matter what the basis is of...What a great post! No matter what the basis is of a relationship, it takes work. Both (all) parties involved have to put forth effort into it in order for the relationship to thrive. Some women tend to be self-centered and want the friendship to be all about them and some are too insecure and afraid to take the first step toward initiating a friendship. <br /><br />I am lucky in that I have two very close friends with whom I have been friends with for over 25 years as well as a few other long time friendships. We are secure enough in our friendship that it does not require daily contact with one another but can easily pick up after a lapse in time. Then there are the ones I consider more along the lines of acquaintances. There have been some people that have come into my life that I thought would make great friends but where I ended up being the one to always initiate calls and invites. When that happens I have to admit that I gradually break off the supposed friendship. There are times I prefer to have some alone time and may decline an invitation, but I return the favor at another time. I will not be friends with a person who is resentful of time not spent with them or requires some type of daily communication and have recently broken off a friendship like that. People tend to be busy and a real friend should understand that and not take it personally. I am a very family oriented person and have a large Italian family so I do tend to spend a lot of time with my family. This particular “friend” began to resent all the time I spend with my grandson and I had no choice but to gradually wean her from my life. I was not too bothered about it because we really were drifting apart and going in other directions. She is very high-maintenance / high-strung and it always had to be about her – no reciprocation at all.<br /><br />I think it is very important for women to have friends and, most especially, at least one very close friend and have encouraged my dil to cultivate some friendships.<br /><br />Because of what I perceive as your outgoing personality and wit, I must admit that I too find it surprising that you were not popular in school. But, then again, I am not the same person I was in school either.<br /><br />Hugs,<br />TracyMs. Bake-ithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08788863782876226680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-87118823964148654202011-04-04T13:26:49.676-04:002011-04-04T13:26:49.676-04:00Very thought provoking and honest. One thing I ha...Very thought provoking and honest. One thing I have learned is that many people who were once in one's social circle due to shared child involvement end once that activity ends. I feel email and texting can also have a dark side that chips away at face time and can erode relationships. I believe it can make people insecure such as your friend's response which happened to me recently.<br /><br />I was having security problems with my email and unsubscribed to newsletters that were coming in, one being a friend's newsletter. I received an email from her immediately accusing me that I didn't care about her business anymore when she had been supportive of mine. I wrote back and told her what was going on and suggested a simple phone call to a friend (to me) would have cleared this up for her. I am now apprehensive to contact her because of her attack and judgement. But like her, I am also assuming rejection awaits me. :)Marilyn *Pink Martinis and Pearls*https://www.blogger.com/profile/16863450285175066156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-7113993869073680732011-04-04T12:13:49.390-04:002011-04-04T12:13:49.390-04:00I guess I try to do inviting. I have, but I don&#...I guess I try to do inviting. I have, but I don't do it often enough - you know?MommyLisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288191448338432734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-27354161004604267182011-04-04T12:06:12.634-04:002011-04-04T12:06:12.634-04:00What insight Princess!
Friendships do need to be ...What insight Princess!<br /><br />Friendships do need to be tended to like a garden...weed out, water and plant more seeds...enjoy the blooms.<br /><br />I have been fortunate enough to maintain friendships from grade school...have lots of aquaintances from volunteering and different clubs but the closest ones are those of gals that I have seen regularly and speak to on the phone weekly...even if it's just to check in and see what's new in their patch.<br /><br />If we were close by I can see some fun filled days spent laughing and sharing adventures.<br />The fact that you are so outgoing is what is appealing...<br />you are my kind of people.hostess of the humble bungalowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06453827257671312902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-5429583565917625722011-04-04T11:53:09.148-04:002011-04-04T11:53:09.148-04:00Oh SP LOVE this post! We've moved so many tim...Oh SP LOVE this post! We've moved so many times in our 28 years of marriage, I often wish I could bring all my friends from all parts of the country and move them onto my street. Believe it or not, I do not have close friends in the town where I live now. It's horrible, 'cuz I love having good friends around. I do pretty much everything by myself. A lot of my good friends live an hour away and some are male...so they come up to see me from Broward County {about an hour away}. Anywho...personally, I would rather be by myself and with my husband than to socialize with people just to be socializing.Miss Janicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08377628628771558672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-46359921825534267052011-04-04T11:42:25.846-04:002011-04-04T11:42:25.846-04:00As always your posts offer much insight and are th...As always your posts offer much insight and are thought provoking. <br /><br />Having undergone many changes in my life both living in a new place (going from city to country living); being under renovations (limiting entertaining opportuniites)and adjusting to post accident life - I have noticed some long time friends ~ understand my need to take socializing slow and that at times I may retreat (to re-energize), and don't take these times personally... while others are "What about ME".."ME, ME" people and over time fade. <br /><br />Along with my long time understanding friends, I have been blessed with new friends (you are among these), who also understand my MIA moments. <br /><br />It's important to look at all facets when it comes to friendships ... understanding and not taking things personally is a key ingredient.<br />Also technology as much as a blessing .. has changed the way people socailize and relate to each other ... which does affect the bonding between people.<br /><br />Again great post! and don't forget to email me some dates you have available in your schedule for coming out the country. xo HHLhighheeledlifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07205935979513877589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-37624172900017819042011-04-04T11:32:26.811-04:002011-04-04T11:32:26.811-04:00Your post really spoke to me. It felt like you wro...Your post really spoke to me. It felt like you wrote all the things that have been in my head!<br /><br /> I have definitely experienced this. I was the one who planned birthday lunches, bridal showers, etc etc. When my bday came around, not one of them did anything :/ Not that you should expect it but I felt like I was giving giving giving with nothing in return.Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09841602984811179260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-14803797828139226682011-04-04T11:19:15.855-04:002011-04-04T11:19:15.855-04:00I am so glad you wrote this!! We just moved to a b...I am so glad you wrote this!! We just moved to a brand new place and I am so excited to meet new people, but while we lived in our last town for 5 years, I met some great people, but I am the SAME as you! I always plan the parties and invite everyone only to be sitting at home when WE don't plan something...I know people are busy, but I just don't understand it sometimes. I DO take it personally and wonder why we don't get invited to more events, but then I look a little deeper and find out there AREN'T more events; we are the only ones who plan things! I am extremely afraid of rejection and have sometimes doubted myself as a friend, but I know that I am a great friend. I, too, am always that person at funerals, pageants, games, etc...only to find myself at those same events alone because my friends don't reciprocate. Anyways, I'm so glad you wrote this so I don't feel like I am alone here...it's just frustrating sometimes to be in this situation. Who wants to sit home every single night? We love to go out and socialize and want to find other people who want to do the same!<br /><br />I hope you have a great week!!!! :)<br /><br />xoxo<br />JessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-41469456731489638642011-04-04T10:54:07.117-04:002011-04-04T10:54:07.117-04:00Such an interesting post! There were lots of point...Such an interesting post! There were lots of points I hadn't considered. I tend to be a reciprocator. If I am invited, I will invite later...KatiePerkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07187422288529762616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-76390310051296719982011-04-04T10:47:35.255-04:002011-04-04T10:47:35.255-04:00I see this all of the time. I love to go out, see ...I see this all of the time. I love to go out, see my friends and truly love being around them, but I REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE to be the only one who plans, invites, calls etc. <br /><br />So I know who my "give and take" friends are...and I know who my "take and take" "friends" are. <br /><br />The take and take kind - they don't last long - because I know they won't be there for me when I need them. <br /><br />So I have a handful of AMAZING girlfriends - ones close by and ones that live far away...and I'd rather spend my time with them than with the ones who only call me when they have nothing better to do. <br /><br />I wrote about friendships in two posts...<br /><br />http://texasgal05.blogspot.com/2011/01/friendships.html<br /><br />http://texasgal05.blogspot.com/2011/01/continuation-of-my-last-friendship-post.htmlA Texas Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08855466454177841281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8577783112523684345.post-72380430138304769462011-04-04T10:33:11.870-04:002011-04-04T10:33:11.870-04:00Great post and a real thought provoking one at tha...Great post and a real thought provoking one at that. I agree SOME women are so shallow and/or insecure that they just would rather not make the first move and risk getting hurt so they don't and therefore probably lead very empty lives. It has always been important to me, to have at least a few really good friends. I am soooo blessed I have 5 people who literally are like my sisters/soul mates...life wouldn't be the same without them. They have been through every celebration with me and every disappointment....they have helped me through thick and thin. They epitomize the word freindship, giving and unselfishness. I think dynamics change when women get older, some are more confident and have no problem seeking out new friends, others get complacent in their lives and don't want to "risk things" so don't branch out....life to me, (and I realize this more as I get older) is all about opening new doors...if what lies beyond isn't so great, shut it and move on..but often something wonderfully unexpected is there waiting, this has happened many times and I would encourage everyone to "open a new door" starting today!!The enchanted homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03417949320717832732noreply@blogger.com